How to Get Through Your Crisis
Finding Meaning When Illness, Loss, and Life's Biggest Questions Confront You
I suffered from end-stage liver disease and eventually underwent a liver transplant. In the midst of that pain, I had to figure out not only how to survive but how to make sense of my life.
That wasn’t important only for my own flourishing. I have a wife and children who needed me—not to have all the answers, but to have a way of moving forward with purpose.
I have far more to say about finding meaning in the midst of suffering than can fit into one article, but here are ten practical ideas that have helped me navigate hardship. I hope they’ll help you too.
1. Tell Yourself a Useful Story
We all live by a story, so you might as well choose one that helps you live well.
For my money, the best stories are those that are beautiful, good, and true.
The story I chose is that life is a pilgrimage—a journey of transformation and discovery. If you see your hardship as part of a pilgrimage rather than an interruption to life, setbacks become part of the path instead of evidence that you’ve lost your way.
Purpose has an incredible ability to carry us through pain.
2. Find a Few Mantras Worth Carrying
Mantras aren’t magical. They’re not wishful thinking or empty affirmations.
They’re compressed convictions.
They’re brief statements that remind us what we believe when our emotions are trying to tell us otherwise.
One of mine comes from Cormac McCarthy’s The Road:
Carry the fire.
Simple. Memorable. Powerful.
I also say that fear is the mind-killer. This comes from Frank Herbert’s Dune, and it brings an entire litany to mind as I gird myself for the challenge!
The Stoics are full of these distilled insights. Marcus Aurelius wrote:
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
And:
“Our life is what our thoughts make it.”
One of my favorites is:
“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it.”
When philosophy isn’t enough, borrow from poets. Mary Oliver and Joy Harjo often have many lines running in the background operating system of my mind.
3. Stop Comparing Your Journey
Comparison is one of the quickest paths to unhappiness.
Your pilgrimage is yours alone.
Limit your exposure to the endless stream of curated lives on social media. Detach when you need to. The less time you spend comparing your behind-the-scenes life to someone else’s highlight reel, the freer you’ll become.
4. Move Your Body
Nothing reminds you that you’re alive like using your body.
Walk.
Hike.
Lift weights.
Train for something difficult.
I started training in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu—and boy, oh boy, talk about mind-body alignment!
Embodied practices reinforce your inner story. They remind you that transformation isn’t merely an idea—it’s something lived, step by step, mile by mile.
5. Feed Your Mind
Don’t consume only entertainment.
Nourish your imagination.
Read Kate Bowler’s reflections on cancer. Read Mishka Shubaly’s story of recovery and endurance. Read Kierkegaard on love. Read Scripture. Read philosophy. Read poetry.
The mind needs good food just as much as the body does.
6. Watch for Bad Stories
Your mind is constantly trying to replace your pilgrimage with lesser narratives.
“If only...”
“When I finally...”
“Then I’ll be happy.”
These are stories built on scarcity and postponement. These stories imply that we lack agency over our happiness, too!
Pilgrimage is different.
It assumes that even setbacks can become part of your transformation. It teaches gratitude, hope, and abundance rather than resentment and fear.
7. Learn Something New
Learning is an act of hope.
Start a hobby.
Take a class.
Become a beginner again.
When life feels like it’s falling apart, choosing to learn something new quietly declares that you believe there is still a future worth preparing for.
Remember:
Mood often follows action. I am not sure who said that, but I quote it often!
8. Choose Good Traveling Companions
No one walks a pilgrimage alone. If they begin alone, they no doubt encounter others along the way (see the film The Way).
Find people who simultaneously comfort you and challenge you.
They remind you that you are loved as you are while refusing to let you settle for less than who you can become.
9. Keep a Record of Kindness
Record acts of generosity, not grievances.
Remember encouraging words.
Notice unexpected kindnesses.
Express gratitude lavishly.
You’ve never accomplished anything entirely on your own. Every meaningful life is built upon the generosity of others.
Life is too short to keep a ledger of insults.
10. Slow Down
In suffering, we naturally want to skip ahead to the end.
But if we could somehow leap over the hardship, we would also leap over the transformation.
Growth rarely happens under easy conditions.
These days I notice how quickly life moves. I used to wish winter away. Now I try not to, because every season seems to disappear almost as soon as it arrives.
The invitation is to become present.
To inhabit this moment.
To receive the gift of being alive today.
Rushing will not heal you. More often than not, it simply causes you to surrender your life before you’ve actually lived it.
Do Not Forget, I am on your team. I will be cheering you on as you go along your pilgrimage.